On the mess and metamorphosis of parenthood

30 Oct

A conversation with artist Janine Bächle on her new book Becoming Parents

When artist Janine Bächle became a parent, her camera was one of the ways she processed the experience. Her new photo book, Becoming Parents, is an intimate, tender and visceral look at the physical and emotional transformations that happen when people cross the threshold into parenthood.

**Janine Bächle,** Photo: © Gianni Borghi

I had the joy of writing an essay for the book, and in the process, I got to speak with Janine about what it means to document such an intimate and universal shift. In our conversation, we talked about vulnerability, bodily changes, taboos, and why motherhood is still seen as a niche subject.

You can find out more about the book here. It is ready for publication but to meet the printing and binding costs, we need your support for this final step. To do so, you can preorder the book, a special edition or fine art prints on Kickstarter.

And now, here’s our conversation, lightly edited for clarity and length:

Janine B: I started the long term series with the pregnancy of my 1st child. And I was just documenting fragments in everyday life every now and then, trying to be as raw as I could. Weaning my second child felt like the end of this chapter of parenthood and the end of this series.

I shoot analog and digital. And there are also pre- and post-natal records included in the book too. I wanted to add in these different layers as the documents are so sterile, so scientific and so different to the emotional side.

Joanna Wolfarth: I like the contrast in the book between these official documents that are very numerical. Like, when you’re giving birth, and they’re saying: she’s this many centimetres and this is her blood pressure. And the kind of disconnect between that and the bodily experience that is raw, messy, unquantifiable.

Janine B.: That’s the way I work; the juxtaposition of my subjective point of view and the objective approach. I was just questioning myself: what does it mean to be a parent nowadays where we don’t have so much help from extended families? And on top of that, there’s more attachment parenting happening.

And also I was wondering how to balance art and motherhood. And of course, how does the body and my mind change during this metamorphosis? And I just want to give a more genuine perspective on parenthood than on Instagram. And it’s just so polished and really romanticized. I wanted other parents to feel seen.

Joanna: What came across in so many of the photographs was the kind of the messiness of the domestic space in very early post-partum days… it looks like a wardrobe has exploded or something. It really took me back to those early days where your bed becomes everything and you’ve got all this stuff around you and it’s important to see that to counterbalance to heavily curated images on social media.

Janine B: I think maybe a lot of people can feel really bad about themselves if they think they don’t have it together. It’s also important to me to address feelings as a parent that are not so accepted by society. Especially aggression and anger and sadness, or even regret of being a parent - it is not something that is talked about so much or you’re made to feel like a bad parent if you feel that way.

I think it’s nice that I was also able to show more self-determined images of this very powerful home birth that I experienced. It was just such a moment of empowerment. I didn’t even plan on sharing those images. I just took the video for myself. And then, later on, I thought, this is so valuable and shows so much of the joy.

Joanna: What’s the attitude to home birth in Germany? Because I had one with my second baby, and it was probably the best experience of my life. It was just the most phenomenal experience. But I had to really push for it, because home birth in the UK is pretty rare, and I really had to advocate for myself to get it.

Janine B.: I think if one is in the normal healthcare system, then one has to contact the midwives very early, like right after the test. Otherwise they’re booked out, and they’re not everywhere. I was lucky that I got a spot there with the home birthing midwives.

Joanna: I think the pictures in this collection are the photos so many women wish they had of themselves. I know I do. I’ve got lots of wonderful pictures, but not the really intimate pictures of breastfeeding or of birth, or the kind of the moments in the immediate postpartum period where it’s you and the tiny baby in bed. And you’re really vulnerable and really intimate.

I’m so interested in this impulse to record those moments. And to put the camera on yourself. Did you know you were going to do that at the beginning of the pregnancy? And did you have an idea of what you would photograph or not?

Janine B: Yeah, when I started the series it was more like a diary. Photography helps me to go through emotions and to process things. So at first the series wasn’t planned. But then, with my second child, I really knew which photos I wanted to get, roughly.

If I feel like a subject, I don’t know. I think the more I look at these photographs the more the work becomes totally detached from me because my body transformed and I transformed. I was selective with the images. There are certain pictures that I didn’t publish, and others that are only in the book, because I think the book format is a much more intimate space.

Joanna: So many of the photos are fragments as well, just little glimpses, like a close-up of the teeth coming through… And I was thinking about Catherine Opie’s famous image of her breastfeeding, taken in a studio setting. It is still a very real and tender and intimate moment, but consciously posed to a degree. Whereas your project appears unstaged yet at the same time they are kind of performative in that sense that you’ve picked out these moments to tell a story.

Janine B.: I mean, there’s some images that are still staged because I had to set up the tripod or ask somebody to help me photograph, by taking the photo under my instructions. Or I am capturing an honest moment but I’m still pressing the remote for the shutter. I’m still the artist and mother, and I like that.

Joanna: I just keep coming back to is the idea of the fluid - the blood, the milk, the tears - as a way of capturing the transformations and the metamorphosis of a body is in flux. The way that the fluid throughout changes sort of tells that story.

Janine B.: Not so many people expect to see things like that. Everything is often so wet, and I think one just can’t imagine why it’s like that.

Joanna: Yeah, I don’t think people can imagine the fact of the mess. Everyone wanted to know what happens with the blood and mess after a homebirth? And I wasn’t aware of any of it, because the midwives just deal with it so quickly, it all gets bagged up or thrown in the washing machine.

And actually, my dad drained my birth pool, and dealt with the mucky stuff along with my husband. And if we’re talking about the village, he was doing that while my mum was looking after my eldest. It’s something I cherish.

You end this book with weaning, at the point where the fluid and the wetness ends, and you transition into a different kind of parenting. Still intense, but in different ways.

Janine B.: The end of the fluid is the end of this whole chapter! It’s a different kind of parenting now. Perhaps more mentally challenging and less physically challenging?

When I’ve exhibited some of these photos, reactions vary. Younger people tended to say it’s so good that you’re showing these kinds of things, whereas older people were rather shocked. And one told me, ‘This work is boring. Everybody is a parent’.

Joanna: I’ve encountered similar reactions. People saying, well in my day, we didn’t make a big fuss, we just got on with it.

And I question the extent to which that’s true throughout history, because prior to this you might have had the birthing room and there might be rituals to support the transition, like ‘sitting the month’. You wouldn’t just be getting on with it.

Janine B.: It’s interesting that you say that because when I talked to publishing houses, they also said, it’s very hard to sell these kinds of books, it’s a niche, these are women’s problems, which is just crazy to think about!

It was important to me to call this book Becoming Parents, to be more inclusive. I mean, it’s from my perspective. But I’m also observing my partner and us as a family together. And of course my partner doesn’t have any bodily changes, but it transforms them too.

My partner and I are sharing the responsibilities like and I see myself more as a parent, and not so much as like the typical mother.

Joanna: Your partner features so much in the book and you can trace the changes of becoming a non-birthing parent , a very different process of metamorphosis. I think it probably feels more sudden and abrupt, and it’s harder to locate the changes when you don’t have bodily changes and you’re observing it.

Would you consider this book, then, as a form of activism?

Janine B.: I think it can be seen as some sort of political activism, because I’m trying to go through taboos, and just sharing what I can to make changes.

You can also help by sharing the campaign with friends – especially those who want to make care work visible or simply are interested in photography, art or parenthood.

Thank you so much for your support!

xxx

Joanna Wolfarth